Wikimedia Discovery/Team/Analyst onboarding

Day the first

 * Speak to Oliver and Dan about what you'll be working on! They'll set up the meeting.
 * Create a Wikitech account. Go to Preferences-> OpenStack and include the public part of a newly-generated SSH key. Get Oliver to give you access to the relevant machines.
 * Use the Wikitech account to create a phabricator account. Get Oliver to sign you up to all the analytics-related boards and walk you through the process of working with cards.
 * File a Phabricator ticket in the Ops-Access queue, CCing Dan, containing the public part of a newly-generated SSH key, asking for access to stat1002, stat1003, and fluorine. Don't worry about what those names mean just yet.
 * Get an IRC client. Join irc.freenode.net and #wikimedia-search. Welcome to our team live chat!
 * Learn about cloaks and request one.
 * It can take a few days for the cloak stuff to be resolved.
 * Schedule staff photo (just list your name here)
 * Or you can list yourself as not wanting to have your photo up by adding your name under the cloak of invisibility list.
 * Add yourself to the team page—twice: in the info box at the top of the page, and under the section "The Team | Members".
 * Subscribe to some mailing lists using your @wikimedia.org account
 * The public search list
 * The private search list
 * Introduce yourself on wikimedia-search.

Day the second

 * Meet important people!
 * You should sit down with Tomasz Finc, head of our engineering team
 * You should sit down with Wes Moran, the VP of Discovery, to talk about the team's long-term goals.

Day the third

 * Work on a small project (i.e., a card with a low points value). If there's specific domain knowledge it needs, reach out to Oliver.
 * Continue meetings. Forcing all of them in on you in one day is monstrous.
 * Grab Trey Jones, a wicked-smaht text processing specialist and engineer;
 * Grab Erik Bernhardson, who knows far too much about our search systems;

Day the fourth

 * Continue meetings. Forcing all of them in on you in one day is monstrous.
 * Sit down with Oliver about our Hadoop infrastructure, our UDFs and how to play with that system specifically.
 * Talk to Moiz Syed, the Lead Designer, about our plans for the frontend.
 * Talk to ?? about the community!

Day the fifth

 * Continue meetings. Forcing all of them in on you in one day is monstrous.
 * Talk to Aaron Halfaker about the user base of Wikipedia, and Ellery Wulczyn to chat about readers.
 * Talk to Oliver more, this time specifically about privacy and data sources.
 * Make sure Oliver has added you to the research group meetings.
 * Attend the Community Liaison Cabal meeting to ask questions and hear about the way people interact with our community.